MONDAY NIGHT

As the Jewish New Year ends, we get a call from Nanny. She had been sick the previous Thursday and Friday and complained quite a bit (blaming my children for getting her sick). I felt bad and let her come to work late on Thursday and go home early on Friday.

She seemed to have a bad head cold on those two days. She was sniffling and coughing, making me nervous all the while. I thought she might bring something that was not in our already-ill home into it.

It was like watching a tornado coming towards you but thinking, "Well, we're already in a tornado so it probably won't hurt us, right?"

It's never good when you start to question your own rationale.

SUNDAY NIGHT PRIOR

Nanny calls to say that her throat and ears are hurting and she has to take the day off Monday to go to the doctor.

I never took an entire day off of work to go to the doctor, but that's another story.

We hire one of my daughter's former preschool teacher's friends (if that makes sense) to watch our still-sick son for a few hours so we can take my daughter to a "family" Yom Kippur service. I was not planning on paying Nanny for her day off because I had to pay someone else. I did not tell her this, and she did not ask.

SATURDAY PRIOR

When we are in the ER with our son, one doctor asks if anybody else in our house is sick. I reply that Nanny is, but that we all kind of feel under-the-weather in some way, shape or form. This converations hangs over my head as I wonder if I should have told Nanny to stay home on Thursday and Friday when I knew she was sick.

BACK TO MONDAY NIGHT

The phone call. Nanny says doctor told her she had an ear and throat infection.

I think to myself, "Self, this does not sound good. You have a meeting at work tomorrow and what are you going to do when Nanny does not show up?"

Nanny then continues to explain that despite her throat and ear infection, her doctor said she could come to work because she is not sick, but is suffering from allergies.

I think to myself, "Self, does she think you are THAT f’ing stupid?"

I reply, "Nanny, are you SURE you are not sick, that your allergies caused an ear AND throat infection. Because if you are sick, please stay home. Son was in the hospital on Saturday and the doctors said we should not expose him to anyone who is sick, if at all possible."

She says, "Yes, my doctor said that my ear and throat infection were caused by allergies. He gave me an antibiotic. He wrote a note for you."

I ask her which antibiotic she is taking. She cannot tell me because it is "in the other room."

This is all sounding fishy but I agree to let her come to work the following day. We end the call with me saying, "I'll see you at 7:30 tomorrow."

That is at 7:30 p.m. At 10:00 p.m., I hear a POUNDING at the door. I say to husband, "What's that?" He opens the door and finds Nanny's adult daughter with our two car seats, the keys to our house, and a note.

The note says (in Nanny’s daughter's handwriting):

Ms. Xanax Mom,

I am returning your car seats and keys because I feel that you are unhappy with my services. I explained to you that I am not sick. I have allergies, but you insist that I have the flu. Please don't call me anymore. You asked me to stay away from your house and kids.

Thank you,

Nanny

WHAT???? That's all I can utter.

I feel tempted to run after her daughter, but my husband stops me. I think to myself, "What is wrong with that woman? She's offended because I want to protect my children from sickness?" At the same time, I realize that I am screwed because I have no help for the following day, my son's first birthday, and I am supposed to work. I also realize that I have two doctor appointments with Son the following day (one for his one-year check-up and a follow-up with the asthma/allergy specialist we had seen the previous week), so the day was going to be screwed-up anyhow.

I call Mother-in-Law, who agrees to pick up Daughter from school and watch her while I schlep Son to his appointments.

TUESDAY

During my day from hell, I get a call from my friend's nanny (the same one who referred Nanny to me two months ago.) She says, "I hear Nanny is no longer working for you." I say, "Yes, she said she has allergies. I think she is allergic to work." She says she asked Nanny why she did not go to work and finish out the week (the week she had never started). Nanny replied that she could not go to work because she was too sick." I say, "I knew she was sick. She lied to me, she tried to tell me she had allergies." My friend’s nanny attempts to help me out by referring someone else. By that time, I have found a temporary replacement. Not to say that having a temporary replacement makes my life easy, but it is better than nothing. And anything is better than having to train another nanny or have my kids form any kind of bond with a stranger who turns out to be no better than the trash you forget to take out and really stinks in the morning.

WEDNESDAY

While I drop Daughter off at school, I get a call from Nanny (on my cell phone). She says, "Ms. Xanax Mom, I am so sick." I say, "I'm sorry to hear that but I am dropping Daughter off at school right now and am very busy."

I call her back later, more out of curiosity than anything else. She says, "I've been in bed for the last two days. I have a high fever. I thought I had allergies because that's what my doctor told me but the next day I started having a high fever and I am so sick now." She then tells me that she did not start the antibiotic that the doctor prescribed because it took two days for the pharmacy to clear the prescription with her insurance and she did not want to pay cash.

I cannot imagine how expensive a dose of Amoxicillin (yes, she told me what drug was prescribed at this point) could have cost, but surely it was less expensive than losing her $540/week cash job. But I digress.

Nanny contininues to explain that the only reason she is calling is to let me know she had thought she had allergies and did not think she was sick on Monday night. She felt very bad that I thought she was a liar and wanted to explain herself.

Oy vey, enough already.

This is the woman I trusted my precious children with????

I feel sick.